Alex Williams’ recent New York Times article explores why it is difficult for those over age 30 to make new friends. The way life works in one’s 30s, 40s, and 50s today makes it challenging to have experiences that are likely to lead to close friendships.
Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, suggests the world which these adults inhabit lacks substantive opportunities to experience the factors sociologists find common among those who develop close friendships: “proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide.” The lack of a healthy blend of these is further complicated by “differences in professional status and income” as well as new understandings of one’s own identity.
So What?
Close friendships are incredibly valuable, yet increasingly rare. Church is a place where one should be given the opportunity to both learn how to develop and deepen friendships, and to engage in the practice of crafting close and lasting friendships. Regardless of congregational size, this type of interaction can be challenging.
- What is the role of the local church in teaching about and providing a safe space for people to develop friendships that could grow into close friendships?
- What are the most obvious and/or visible ways your congregation helps adults in their 30s, 40s, and 50s create close friendships?
- Which of the five barriers to developing close friendships is most difficult to overcome within the context of your local congregation: (1) proximity; (2) repeated, unplanned interactions; (3) a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide; (4) differences in professional status and income; (5) internal changes including new understandings of one’s own identity? How can awareness of the most challenging barriers assist congregational leaders in planning for future opportunities?