A lot can be learned by how people handle conflict. Skye Jethani recently interviewed Ken Sande: President and Founder of Peacemakers Ministries and the author of The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. Excerpts of that interview were published as “Preemptive Peace,” which was published in the Winter 2011 edition of Leadership Journal. One question with considerable relevance to all leaders follows:
Jethani: What does conflict reveal about who we are as leaders?
Sande (pictured at right): During a conflict we generally find that church leaders will go in one of two unhealthy
directions. The ditch on one side of the road is filled with the people pleasers. These leaders will do anything to keep the peace, and it often means telling different people what they want to hear. That eventually catches up with the leader when people start finding out that the pastor has been giving different stories. A lot of conflict builds up in those churches because, with a people-pleasing pastor, it’s not being addressed. The ditch on the other side is filled with controlling pastors, real powerbrokers . . . Ideally we understand our weaknesses before a conflict so we can be prepared to counteract them (p.23).
So What?
Which ditch are you more prone to fall into: people pleasing or controlling? In light of your awareness of your personal tendency toward that response, what are you doing to prepare yourself to stay on the road when conflict arises?